Many couples experience a loss of excitement in their relationships over time, often due to routine, stress, or shifting priorities. Experts note that this does not necessarily indicate the absence of love. The initial excitement in new relationships is linked to novelty and brain chemistry, but maintaining long-term connection requires effort and shared growth.
Research indicates that the brain can continue to respond positively to a romantic partner after many years together, suggesting that with intention and care, the sense of reward and excitement in a relationship can be maintained or rekindled.
Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW, offers practical advice for couples looking to reconnect. “It is important for couples to remember the things that made them fall in love with their partner in the first place. Do simple things like leaving notes for them to find, reading a book together, exercising, or cooking together. It does not need to be a huge gesture; just find small ways to connect.”
Chapple also suggests setting goals together or trying new activities as a way to shift focus onto positive experiences: “Set a goal together, train for a race or competition, recreate your first date, explore a new hobby, or take a class together. Scheduled time together can alleviate some of the pressure on relationship problems and bring things into a more positive focus.”
Other recommendations include making uninterrupted time for each other without devices, communicating with curiosity rather than just discussing logistics, showing affection through small daily gestures, revisiting shared memories, supporting each other’s individual interests and passions, rekindling physical intimacy through both sexual and non-sexual touch, and practicing daily gratitude.
Research supports these approaches: studies show that affectionate touch strengthens bonds between partners and that gratitude practices are associated with stronger relationships.
For couples who feel stuck despite these efforts, professional support may be helpful. Talkspace provides online couples therapy designed to help partners rebuild intimacy and strengthen commitment at their own pace.
“Create a daily appreciation check-in: Write down the things that you appreciate about your partner in a journal or on a post-it note. Leave notes/journals for your partner to read every day, create a gratitude jar, or plan little surprises for them. Small gestures can go a long way to rebuilding a tarnished relationship,” said Chapple.
Talkspace emphasizes that while reigniting connection takes time and effort from both partners, seeking help from licensed therapists can provide additional tools for navigating challenges and improving overall relationship satisfaction.
