Jon R. Cohen, M.D. Chief Executive Officer & Director | Talkspace
Sibling rivalry is a common experience for many families, with children often moving quickly from moments of play to arguments over seemingly minor issues. While these conflicts are a normal part of childhood, frequent disagreements can be tiring for parents and may affect family dynamics.
Experts note that sibling relationships have a significant influence on how children learn to communicate, manage emotions, and resolve disputes. Persistent rivalry or unresolved conflict between siblings can impact a child's mental, physical, and emotional development as they grow.
Underlying causes of sibling conflict include competition for parental attention, differences in personality or interests, major life changes such as the arrival of a new baby or divorce, perceived favoritism by parents or caregivers, and developmental differences between siblings. Addressing these root causes can help reduce the frequency and intensity of disputes.
To manage sibling conflict effectively, experts recommend setting clear family rules and expectations about respectful behavior and consistent consequences. Posting these rules in visible places at home may serve as helpful reminders. Parents are also encouraged to remain neutral during arguments rather than taking sides. Asking open-ended questions like “Can you tell me what happened?” or “What can we do to make this better?” helps children express their feelings and work toward solutions together.
Teaching children to use “I” statements when expressing their feelings—such as “I feel upset when…”—can help avoid blame and promote understanding between siblings. Encouraging empathy by prompting kids to consider each other's perspectives further supports healthier interactions.
Spending individual time with each child is another strategy suggested by professionals. This one-on-one attention can help reduce competition for parental approval and reinforce each child’s sense of being valued within the family unit.
Parents play an important role in modeling healthy conflict resolution strategies themselves. Children who observe adults managing disagreements respectfully are more likely to adopt similar approaches with their siblings.
“It is important to teach children conflict resolution by helping them listen to each other, and by encouraging siblings to find their own solutions to their conflicts. As parents, we also need to model healthy conflict resolution to our children so that they can learn appropriate ways to deal with sibling rivalry. This will lead to stronger sibling relationships and better emotional regulation in adulthood,” said Talkspace therapist Dr. Olga Molina, D.S.W., LCSW.
Guiding siblings through problem-solving exercises during disputes can help them develop skills useful beyond the home environment—in friendships, school settings, and future relationships. Activities that require teamwork—such as cooperative games or shared chores—can also strengthen bonds while reducing rivalry.
While occasional disagreements are typical among siblings, ongoing hostility or signs of emotional harm may indicate deeper issues requiring professional intervention. Warning signs include persistent resentment or withdrawal linked directly to sibling interactions.
“If sibling conflict becomes challenging and is unresolved, seek the help of a therapist who can provide much-needed psychoeducation and support to the family,” added Dr. Olga Molina.
For families seeking additional support in addressing persistent sibling rivalry or related challenges at home, licensed therapists are available through online platforms such as Talkspace https://www.talkspace.com/online-therapy/parenting/. These services offer guidance tailored specifically for parents navigating complex family dynamics.