Liat Ben-Zur, Director | Talkspace
Eldest daughter syndrome is a term used to describe the pressures that firstborn girls often face within their families. While not an official diagnosis, the concept reflects the reality for many eldest daughters who are expected to take on caregiving and mediating roles from a young age.
According to psychology researchers, these responsibilities can help develop qualities such as resilience and leadership but may also lead to burnout, people-pleasing behaviors, guilt over setting boundaries, and a loss of self-identity. In many cases, cultural norms and family stressors contribute to this dynamic, particularly in single-parent or high-conflict households.
Parentification—when children assume adult responsibilities due to unavailable parents—is one factor that can blur the line between childhood and adulthood for eldest daughters. This experience is described by Talkspace therapist Bisma Anwar, LPC, LMHC: “In stressful or emotionally immature families, eldest daughters often take on a caregiver or mediator role in order to maintain stability within the home. This burden of adult responsibilities can lead them to equate their value with how well they support or care for others. Over time, they might internalize these ideas and start to believe that their worth is tied to self-sacrifice. This makes it harder for them to set healthy boundaries or prioritize their own needs.”
Cultural expectations often reinforce these roles. Daughters may be encouraged to be selfless and mature without complaint—expectations shaped by extended family members and media messaging.
Economic challenges and generational trauma can make these burdens heavier for eldest daughters. Research has found that when eldest daughters are expected to care for siblings—especially those with disabilities—this “sibling-focused parentification” can increase distress and strain relationships with parents.
The long-term effects of eldest daughter syndrome can persist into adulthood. Some individuals find themselves over-giving in relationships or struggling with delegation at work because they have always felt responsible for others’ well-being. They may also find it difficult to express vulnerability or prioritize their own needs out of fear of disappointing others.
Healing from these patterns involves recognizing the emotional load carried since childhood, reclaiming identity outside of caregiving roles, learning to set boundaries without guilt, practicing self-compassion through rest and positive affirmations, and seeking therapy when needed.
Therapy is recommended as a resource for those looking to process these experiences. As Anwar explains: ”Therapy can provide a safe space for eldest daughters to get the support and understanding they may not have received. It will also help them process the emotional weight they’ve carried over the years. Through reflection and processing, they can begin to unlearn negative habits that make it hard for them to say no or prioritize themselves. Over time, therapy pushes them to shift from defining their worth through responsibility to embracing their own self-worth.”
Talkspace provides access to licensed therapists familiar with complex family dynamics who offer flexible online therapy options tailored for individuals dealing with issues like those faced by eldest daughters.