Swati Abbott, Director | Talkspace
Family bullying is a form of repeated, intentional behavior that often takes place behind closed doors and can be difficult to recognize. It may be dismissed as normal family conflict, particularly when it involves siblings or close relatives. However, experts stress that this pattern of behavior causes emotional harm and should not be confused with harmless teasing or occasional arguments.
Researchers define bullying as behavior that is intentional, repeated, and involves a power imbalance. While commonly associated with schools or workplaces, similar dynamics can exist within families. Siblings, parents, or other relatives may use criticism, control, or emotional manipulation to maintain power over another family member. The impact of being bullied by a family member can be as significant as bullying from outside the home.
A 2024 study found that about half of participants reported experiencing sibling bullying, with verbal bullying being the most common type. This includes direct and indirect verbal messages intended to cause harm.
Victims of family bullying often experience ongoing criticism, exclusion as punishment, gaslighting (denial of feelings or experiences), emotional blackmail, guilt-tripping, and the need to "walk on eggshells" to avoid conflict. These behaviors can occur between siblings, parents and children, or other relatives.
Cultural norms and generational beliefs sometimes contribute to minimizing family bullying. In some families, tough love and strict discipline are seen as necessary or even healthy. Behaviors influenced by generational trauma may also be framed as being for one’s own good. Phrases like “family comes first” or “they don’t mean it” can discourage victims from speaking up for fear of disrupting family harmony.
Fear plays a role in silencing those affected by family bullying. Victims may worry about not being believed or losing connections if they speak out.
The effects of long-term family bullying include eroded self-worth due to constant criticism; heightened anxiety and depression resulting from living in a state of hypervigilance; difficulty trusting others; and feelings of guilt when trying to set boundaries.
Setting boundaries is recommended for those dealing with difficult family members. This involves identifying hurtful behaviors such as criticism, name-calling, silent treatment, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, intimidation or threats, public humiliation, controlling choices, isolation from support systems, yelling or aggressive outbursts, and invasion of privacy.
Effective communication when setting boundaries includes clear statements like: “I will not continue this conversation if you raise your voice at me,” “Please let me finish speaking before you respond,” “I appreciate your concern but this is the decision I’ve made,” “I notice I’m being left out and I would like to be included,” “I need you to respect my personal space,” and “I won’t engage when guilt or blame is used to control me.” Following through with consequences if boundaries are crossed is essential for their effectiveness.
Reducing contact with the person responsible for the bullying may also be necessary in some cases in order to protect one's well-being.
Healing from the effects of family bullying takes time and resilience. It includes rebuilding self-worth by challenging negative messages internalized from past experiences; processing grief and anger safely through journaling or therapy; learning what healthy relationships look like; and reconnecting with activities that bring joy.
Talkspace therapist Jill Daino emphasized the importance of professional support:
“Healing from emotional trauma from family members takes time, but it is possible. Working with a licensed mental health professional provides opportunities to explore what happened in a safe way while also beginning to heal from the impact of the trauma. Being able to have a safe space allows you to take the time needed to rebuild your sense of who you are in this world and process the wide range of thoughts and feelings about what has gone on over time. Throughout this process, the goal is for emotional and mental healing while having compassion for yourself as you rebuild your identity.”
Daino also noted challenges people face when seeking help:
“Reaching out for help and support is a sign of strength,and at the same time,it can be challenging totake that first step.There are many reasons people hesitate to seek therapy.For example,theymightbe worriedthatitwill stirthe potofpainful memoriesandfeelings,o rthey thinktheyare betrayingtheirfamilyby speaking‘badly’aboutthem ,orperhapsthey think theyshould simplybe ableto handleitallontheirown .Whateverthereasonforhesitating,it iscrucialtoknowthatspeakingwithalicensedmentalhealthprofessional isanopportunitytoreceivesupportinasafeenvironmentwhilealsolearningskillsandstrategiestomanagesymptoms ,communicationchallenges,andrelationshipchallenges ,amongmanyotherthings.”
Support groups or online communities exist for individuals who have experienced toxic relationships within their families.
Talkspace offers access to licensed therapists specializing in family dynamics,family trauma,and boundary-setting.Therapy platforms like Talkspace provide flexible options for those needing confidential support while navigating complex relationships at home.